Rhapsodic

Sam: You don't like raisins?
Joon: Not really.
Sam: Why?
Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes.

From Benny & Joon

...even Google is sometimes guilty of unfortunate ad placement.

via Google Reader

I spend a fair bit of time scouring souq.com. Most of the things I look for are pretty specific: cheap books that I’d like to add to my collection instead of borrow from the library 439872340347 times, lenses for my Nikon D200, a used Wacom tablet being given away for free by a philanthropic graphic designer who wants to renounce materialism (and society) to become a hermit, vintage designer jewelry/bags sold at throwaway prices by clueless owners, Johnny Depp…

Ahem. Anyway.

The point is, for some completely unfathomable reason, I haven't managed to find any of the items mentioned above. Souq, you have failed me.

Instead, I find things like this:
1) A dress that’ll make a girl (or actually, probably her significant other) whinge and moan till (s)he’s red in the face.

2) A hellish dress. No really.
And here I thought the devil was supposed to be in a blue dress.



3) A series of blouses. No, I don’t know where the rest of items in the sequence are.

4) A pegament predicament


5) Chicken suits. And just in time for Halloween too!
I wonder if this listing would run afoul (heh) with Lucknowi Chikan embroiderers.


6) A top that should be… a bottom?


7) Uninviting body parts. I’d say that maybe they’re catering to zombies (hyuk!), but even the undead prefer brains to intestines
And swaroviski and porsalain? Really? Can even find these things, unless they can think of every single possible permutation and combination of letters that could possibly make up a word?


8) Excited jewelery

How on earth does one stimulate a pearl? Actually, never mind. I don't want to know.
I'm just hoping it's intellectual stimulation rather than physical. How else will they compete with cultured pearls in the pearly dating scene?


9) To help you nip your young 'uns in the bud.
Note: I do not endorse baby sterilization. What happens when you change your mind and want grandkids, eh?


10) Pants for the moist and smelly.

Fresh and dry need not apply.

While compiling a driving playlist for my iPod, I found this via my last.fm plugin.

There's an album of Housework Songs? And why is a rousing Tina Turner anthem on this? And I really don't know where to begin about the chick who's getting her groove on and singing into the vacuum hose. There are just far too many suggestive comments to make, and it would take up the rest of my morning. Still, she looks disturbingly happy about a machine that does little but suck up dirt and grime.

Track listing is as follows. Apart from the first song on CD 1 and the 9th on CD 3, I don't think ANY of them work.

Tracks:

CD1:
01. Queen — I Want To Break Free
02. Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons — December ‘63 (Oh What A Night)
03. Dolly Parton — 9 To 5
04. The Bangles — Manic Monday
05. Bobby McFerrin — Don’t Worry Be Happy
06. Jackie Wilson — I Get The Sweetest Feeling
07. LaBelle — Lady Marmalade
08. Aretha Franklin — Respect
09. Roy Orbison — Oh, Pretty Woman
10. The Turtles — Happy Together
11. The Archies — Sugar Sugar
12. The Monkees — Daydream Believer
13. Labi Siffre — It Must Be Love
14. Bellamy Brothers — Let Your Love Flow
15. UB40 & Chrissie Hynde — Got You Babe
16. Fun Boy Three & Bananarama — It Ain’t What You Do It’s The Way That You Do It
17. Blondie — Tide Is High
18. Lily Allen — Smile
19. Lene Marlin — Sitting Down Here
20. Simon Webbe — No Worries
21. Blue — All Rise
22. Eva Cassidy & Katie Melua — What A Wonderful World


CD2:
01. Katy Perry — Hot N Cold
02. Lily Allen — The Fear
03. Kylie Minogue — Wow
04. KT Tunstall — Suddenly I See
05. Corinne Bailey Rae — Put Your Records On
06. Jem — It’s Amazing
07. Nickelback — Rockstar
08. The Proclaimers — I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)
09. Alphabeat — Fascination
10. The Boo Radleys — Wake Up Boo!
11. Supergrass — Alright
12. T. Rex — I Love To Boogie
13. Katrina & The Waves — Walking On Sunshine
14. Jane Wiedlin — Rush Hour
15. Erasure — Take A Chance On Me
16. Sheena Easton — 9 To 5
17. UB40 — (I Can’t Help) Falling In Love With You
18. LeAnn Rimes — Can’t Fight The Moonlight
19. Cliff Richard — Carrie


CD3:
01. Cyndi Lauper — Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
02. The Weather Girls — It’s Raining Men
03. KC & The Sunshine Band — Give It Up
04. Duran Duran — Rio
05. Kim Wilde — Kids In America
06. The Human League — Don’t You Want Me
07. Starsound Stars On 45 — Abba Medley
08. Starsound Stars on 45 — Beatles Medley
09. Gloria Gaynor — I Will Survive
10. Blondie — Heart Of Glass
11. M C Hammer — U Can’t Touch This
12. Pato Banton & The Reggae Revolution — Baby Come Back
13. Shaggy — Boombastic
14. Jamelia — Superstar
15. The Source & Candi Staton — You Got The Love
16. SNAP! — Rhythm Is A Dancer
17. Spiller & Sophie Ellis-Bextor — Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love)
18. The Shapeshifters — Lola’s Theme
19. Guru Josh Project — Infinity 2008


CD4:
01. Wings Let ‘Em In
02. Hot Chocolate — You Sexy Thing
03. Jean Knight — Mr Big Stuff
04. The Chiffons — Sweet Talkin’ Guy
05. Freda Payne — Band Of Gold
06. John Paul Young — Love Is In The Air
07. McFadden & Whitehead — Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now
08. KC & The Sunshine Band — That’s The Way (I Like It)
09. Tavares — Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel
10. Shocking Blue — Venus
11. Norman Greenbaum — Spirit In The Sky
12. Don McLean — American Pie
13. Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel — Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)
14. Donovan — Sunshine Superman
15. Jeff Beck — Hi Ho Silver Lining
16. Pilot — Magic
17. Gilbert O’Sullivan — Get Down
18. Dave Edmunds — I Hear You Knocking
19. Tommy James & The Shondells — Mony Mony
20. The Beach Boys — Help Me Rhonda
21. Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons — Beggin\x{2019}


CD5:
01. Peggy Lee — Fever
02. Frank Sinatra — Come Fly With Me
03. Julie London — Fly Me To The Moon
04. Frank Sinatra — Love And Marriage
05. Dean Martin & Helen O’Connell How D’Ya Like Your Eggs In The Morning
06. The Everly Brothers — (’Til)I Kissed You
07. Bruce Channel — Hey Baby
08. Chubby Checker — Let’s Twist Again
09. Little Eva — The Locomotion
10. Gerry & The Pacemakers — How Do You Do It?
11. Bobby Vee — Take Good Care Of My Baby
12. Dion — Runaround Sue
13. The Swinging Blue Jeans — The Hippy Hippy Shake
14. Manfred Mann — Do Wah Diddy Diddy
15. The Beach Boys — I Get Around
16. Herman’s Hermits — I’m Into Something Good
17. The Seekers — Morningtown Ride
18. Louis Armstrong — We Have All The Time In The World
19. Matt Monro — From Russia With Love
20. Nat ‘King’ Cole — Unforgettable